There’s so much I don’t know. That’s true for many things, but right now, I’m specifically talking about planets, astrology, tarot and how all of those come together and impact our lives in seen and unseen ways.

An article from my favorite astrologist Chani Nicholas popped up on my news feed the other day talking about Venus moving into Pisces (my sun sign). She writes:

“Venus is the planet of connection, love, relationship and magnetism. Venus attracts what it desires but Venus also attracts what we need to learn about intimacy, trust and our most tender parts.

Venus is exalted in Pisces. Held on high. Pisces is an extremely fertile sign. Many goddesses of the ancient world held fish or had them engraved on their clothing, symbolizing the potency and creative power of the waters. Venus loves all things related to fertility, conception and creativity.

Later this year Venus will retrograde back into Pisces, revealing many insights in regards to our connections, our creative outlets and our ability to learn the lessons our hearts are trying to teach us. Venus in Pisces heightens our sensitivities, psychic capacities (especially in relationships) and our connection to all things aesthetically healing.”

I love hearing about things that seem related to me so I started to do a little more research and now i’m TOTALLY geeking out about Venus. First of all, have y’all ever seen the pattern Venus makes when she orbits earth?? It’s a beautiful flower with the fibonacci sequence and forms a double pentagram. I can’t even really compute what that means but it seems so synchronistic and profound and my mouth dropped when I saw it. Check this article out that explains it better than me: Venus Pentagram

double pentagram.jpg

The first psychic I ever saw mentioned Venus cycles to me when I told her about my first love lasting 8 years. It stuck in my head but I never really looked into it. Apparently, Venus returns to the same spot in your natal chart every 8 years and 5 days. There’s a lot more to it but I’m just not smart enough nor do I have the time to do enough research to fully understand it.

I’ve been thinking about the timeline of my life and what was happening in my life when I was 8, 16, 24, and now 32 (I’ll be turning 32 in March). Not surprisingly, the last 8 years have been the most poignant and transformative in my life but I’d even venture to say in our society and world at large. But I tend to get overwhelmed when I think too much about things on a large scale and how it’s all related so I’m just gonna write about me.

1993, 8 year old me is one of the ages I think of when I think of my inner child. She was so sweet, trying to hold it all together, trying to be a good girl, trying to raise her brother and protect him. I think this is when my family moved out of the house I grew up in and when things started to noticeably fall apart in my parents marriage. I think this is the year I did my first communion.

2001, 16 year old me is when I said fuck it. I started fucking, drinking, smoking weed, rebelling and spewing my rage at my parents. I think of her as my protector. She senses an injustice and isn’t afraid to call it out. But she was young and immature and hadn’t yet learned about all the good in people and the world. This is when I got into counseling because my then boyfriend (he and I started dating in 2000) had cheated on my and I on him and my heart was broken. This counselor changed my life and made me want to study psychology. This is also when I officially gave myself permission to leave the Catholic church I grew up in.

1/2 a venus cycle, 2005, 20 years old, decided not to go to dental or med school and instead pursue a a graduate degree in psychology so I could be a therapist.

2009, 24 year old me. I had just moved to Phoenix, AZ (in 08/08) to go to grad school at ASU in counseling psychology. I wasn’t a fan of Phoenix and planned to leave after I finished. I was stressed out, sad and lonely, felt guilty for being a slut for the past 8 years. But I finally felt completely over my 8 year relationship but wondered if I’d ever feel good about myself or find a healthy relationship. I was homesick but free.

1/2 a venus cycle, 2013, 28 year old me. I had just bought a house in 2012, ended another relationship and started a new one (one of my current ones). I asked to be transferred down to Tucson to be closer to my hunny. I knew the relationship was going to be transformational. I loved Tucson immediately and knew I’d be here for a while, maybe forever.

2017, almost 32 year old me. Finally getting some really good perspective about the patterns of my life, synchronicities left and right. Been with my hunny for 4 years (half a venus cycle) and the psychic said that’s how long it would last. I find myself totally in love with another man and even though I’m poly and don’t have to end one relationship to foster another, I find myself pretty singularly obsessed with the new one. I know all about NRE and I”m waiting for it to pass. The fortunate thing is that we humans have free will and choice and don’t have to listen to what our biological bodies so obviously want.

But it feels good to feel so deeply what I want and to be brave enough to listen to myself and entertain every idea. It’s liberating. I will still use rationality to make the best choices but it feels amazing to embrace my less rational self and integrate those two parts of me. It feels huge, actually. As I said in my post about this year (maybe because 2017 which is a 1 universal year in Numerology but also because it is the end of another Venus cycle for me), it feels like it’s a year of fiery transformations. A year of action, manifesting, building, creating, speaking truths etc. I hope I can keep writing with courage and grace as I walk into the fire.