I’ve always loved structure and cycles. I could ruminate about circadian rhythms, seasons, moon cycles, and measures of time forever.I’m especially sensitive to the moon phases. every full moon, I have the urge to reflect on the past month and set intentions for the next month.
The new year is also a good opportunity for reflection and setting intentions.This past year has been especially transformative for me. I got a lot of closure and started a lot of new cycles.
1. I stopped participating in dysfunctional family patterns and started authentically connecting with family members in a conscious way.
I learned my new mantra that I use whenever someone wants to suck me into a dysfunctional interaction: “don’t get into the pig pen”. People who haven’t done their work, will keep replaying their unconscious patterns and they’ll send you a gold plated invitation to join them in their dysfunction. Once you have more awareness, you can stiil be around them without accepting the invitation to join in their shit. As time goes on, the more compassion you’ll start to feel and the less you’ll take things personally.
2. I let go of relationship expectations and co-dependence and started honestly communicating who I am and seeing my partner as a person independent of me.
I’ve written a lot about this. Once i realized that i was going to be ok even if my relationship ended and (which was more important to me than anything else), things got a lot better. I’m on my own journey; my partner is on his own journey and I’m just grateful that for the time being, we get to walk along side each other on it. I also realized that every time I’m more focused on other people-what they’re doing or not doing, what they should be doing etc- I’m losing an opportunity to focus on myself and my own inner growth. I’m abandoning myself and I’ve done that for too long. It’s time I give myself the attention I need.
3. I let go of diminishing myself and being a victim and started finding my power again.
i’ve spent too much time pointing out what I’m not getting or how no one is treating me the way i want to be treated. I’ve learned a lot about my karmic habits of being dissatisfied with everything. From the Buddhist perspective this is known as an aversion personality type. For as long as I can remember, I had the mindset of “things would be perfect if only..” or “I’ll only be happy after…” and this year was the first time I started seeing the habit for what it was. I realized it was just an unconscious pattern that wasn’t serving me anymore. I’ve shifted the responsibility from everyone else back to myself. I’m an adult now so I can meet all of my own needs. I try to remember never to ask for something that I know that I can give myself and if I feel like my needs aren’t being met, I have no one to blame anymore. It’s incredibly empowering to realize this!
4. I released toxic friendships and girl drama and started building my circle of wild women who support me and help me grow.
I realized that I bent myself over backwards to try to please friends whom I honestly didn’t even like or respect. I realized I was using them as they were using me. No wonder i felt so misunderstood and disconnected! Recently, I have met new friends who have done a lot of personal work and can lovingly point out areas i need to grow without judging me or betraying me. I realized the kind of friend I’m capable of being too. The older I get, the more I see how pointless it is to waste time on drama and people that don’t support me on my path. Especially since I have so many quality people in my life, the more energy I spend on people I don’t love, the less energy I have for those that I do.
5. I resigned from a sick professional environment and started taking steps towards becoming professionally independent.
I realized how sick a lot of the people in my profession actually are and how most people who stay in agency work are the sickest of them all. With that said, I know a lot of amazing people who dedicate themselves to working in community mental health agencies and all have great intentions. But the reality is, even the best ones are still working themselves sick. I increased my self efficacy knowing that I could do new positions in my field but found out what really fulfills me and what doesn’t. The last couple years of my career were spent in middle management and I realized that that definitely doesn’t fulfill me. I found myself having to defend poor decision making coming from “above” and having to explain poor performances from the people “below”. It was a lose lose. My dad gave me some advice a long time ago to “never work for someone who gives you the responsibility to run a program but doesn’t give you the power to make it happen”. That is exactly what was happening so I did something I’ve never done. I just quit without having a solid backup plan, and I’ve never been happier. Now my private practice is thriving and I finally have the energy to put into building my business.
6. I stopped being a slave to my money and started having an affluent mindset.
I had a lot of resentment about money until recently and it still creeps back in often. I think we get our philosophies about money from our families and in my family it was a big source of contention. It was also how we showed love and how we got a lot of our self-worth. So when you’re broke or worried about money, you’re literally worth less. I realized how much power it had over me. How I would stay in a horrible job just so I wouldn’t have to worry about money. How I would skip out on fun trips and activities with friends so that I could make a bigger payment on my debt. I think about it every single day and I’m sick of thinking of it. So now I’m just trying to focus on everything I have already and how things just seem to work out.
7. I ended my estrangement from my yoga practice and started rebuilding my spiritual practices.
I used to have a really strong yoga practice that encompassed all 8 limbs of yoga (not just asana- the physical postures). As I got more stressed out and more disconnected from myself, instead of turning toward my yoga, I turned away. I still have some shit to work out with that and I find myself making excuses often. But a couple weeks ago, I went to my first yoga class in over a year and I haven’t felt that in tune with myself in a loooong time. I felt so close to my heart and so loving and I just kept thinking, I need to hold on to this and this is the way I can do it. So we’ll see!