I want to share a personal story with you guys as it relates to the topic of our discussions lately. I’m a little nervous so sorry if this is TMI…I had a realization when I was hanging out with one of my partners recently. After we had sex, we were laying around talking for a while and things started to pick up again.

He asked for consent to go down on me and I said “hell yes!” After doing that for a while, he wanted to have sex again. He AGAIN asked for consent even though I had already consented earlier to sex, then again to oral and I was lying there turned on and naked on his bed (a situation where many might think they already have consent). I was tired and didn’t really want to but I hesitantly said, “hmm okay, do you?” illustrating my lack of being aware of my own needs and communicating them to him. This is a something I’ve struggled with especially in my interactions with men and I suspect this is true for others as well. Maybe it’s due to social conditioning, maybe because I’ve had several experiences with men who don’t know or don’t acknowledge anything about consent, or maybe because I’m a people pleaser who knows.

Fortunately, he is a very perceptive person and realized that since this was not a “hell yes” that he might want to really check in. Now, is this technically his responsibility? I know that people feel differently about the answer to that but regardless he took it on. He said, “do you really want to? You don’t seem that excited” to which I said, “yeah you’re right, I’m kind of tired, sorry”.

Done. End of conversation. There was no convincing, no bargaining etc. Only some words of encouragement: “you don’t ever have to be sorry for telling me what you want or don’t want”.

FUCK that’s hot.

To anyone who thinks consent isn’t sexy: BOOM!

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