I’ll try to keep it short to explain our inspiration for being poly. We both came to it on our own before meeting each other so I guess you can say we entered into our relationship knowing that it was important to both of us that it be an open one. We’ve only been together for a few months (since October 2012) but since we are so compatible and we understand each other, it has progressed very quickly and we are very much in love. It’s never happened like this for either of us so it’s very exhilarating!
I was with someone for 8 years all throughout high school and college. After a few years, we still loved each other but we both were being “unfaithful”. It was very painful for both of us but we realized that the hurtful part was the lying, hiding, going behind each others’ backs etc not the actual act of being with other people. We decided we didn’t want to end it so we opened the relationship up to allowing each other to be with others if we wanted but always being open and honest about it. It turns out that just having the option actually made us less likely to be with other people. We had a few experiences with threesomes and it was actually the best our relationship had ever been. It came to an end for other reasons but through that experience, it made me reevaluate what I thought was natural and healthy in a romantic relationship. Throughout college I worked at the Kinsey Institute in sex research lab and did hundreds of anonymous interviews with people about this topic and that sort of solidified what I already thougth was true for myself. Then in 2008 I met someone that I had a very loosely defined open relationship with for 4 years. We are not always in the same part of the country (or world for that matter) so it was kind of an on and off type relationship. He considers himself to be polyamorous and I’ve seen him define his ideals over the last 4 years.
He was with someone for 4 years and their sex life was dwindling but they loved each other and lived together well. He started doing research online about polyamory and open relationships and eventually talked to his girlfriend about it. She wasn’t happy at first but eventually agreed to try it out. He was living in a small town so it was hard to meet people so he started talking to women online. He was interested in starting with another relationship with a woman he met online but his girlfriend never got comfortable with it so it never happened. He and his girlfriend decided they wanted to start being physically intimate with a male roommate of theirs and they started having threesomes on an ongoing basis. Eventually they found themselves in a poly relationship and it worked beautifully for a while. It turns out that his girlfriend and their male roommate discovered that they were more compatible and decided to enter into a monogamous relationship and He was ready to move on to find someone he was more compatible with as well.
So that’s the back story. Look for more posts as we start to navigate the poly lifestyle together!